Ask Amy: Distressed friend needs to ‘Keep Moving’

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Oct 3, 2021

I also have membership in the country club and because it is only open during the summer months, that is a lot of money being wasted.

No matter how much I state my feelings, I am "out-voted.”

I was super-excited about this place, now I can’t even think about it without getting upset.

Help!

– Miserable in Paradise

Dear Miserable: You don’t note what possessed you to buy property with these people with so little legal preparation, but you should see a real estate lawyer quickly to define your ownership, draw up a legal co-ownership agreement between you and the others, and educate all of you on your mutual rights and responsibilities. You should also research how to go about selling your share of the property, if it comes to that.

If you co-own this property equally, then you have one vote, and they have one vote. They are counting on your passivity when they out-vote you.

If they have decided to alternate month-to-month, and there are three months of summer season at this location, then why don’t you get two months and they one month?

If their children are tied to a traditional school calendar, then presumably you could take June and August, or July and September. Or you could go month-to-month during non-summer months and take the 12 weeks comprising June, July, and August and negotiate which six weeks (consecutive or not) you – and they – would live in the house.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your thoughtful response to “Afraid to Rock the Boat,” a survivor trying to recover from her childhood trauma in therapy.

I appreciated that you advised her to ask her therapist whether she should dive into her past. For many people, doing a “deep dive” like this might retraumatize her. Forward motion might be the best direction for her.

– Been There

Dear Been There: This is an important “process” question to discuss.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)