Ask Amy: Rumor about teacher compels reporting
Is it unreasonable for me to expect a text update if he plans on staying out past his normal schedule?
Am I desperate for calling when he doesn’t come home at a reasonable hour?
Am I overreacting?
– Worrying at Home
Dear Worrying: Calling your partner is a logical consequence when he is extremely late and doesn’t respond to text messages.
I don’t see your actions as particularly “desperate,” but I do think you need to acknowledge that you are with someone who doesn’t mind the fact that his behavior distresses you so much, and then tries to gaslight you into believing that you are out of line for worrying.
He says that you are trying to control him, but his behavior indicates that he is trying to control you. He is trying to train you to leave him alone, and maybe you should!
I wonder how he would respond if he rolled in some early morning and realized that you weren’t there, fretting and upset.
I am not suggesting that you play games, but you might liberate yourself from some of these triggers if you took some time for yourself.
Dear Amy: Longtime reader, here. I don’t always agree with you, but your compassionate response to the trauma-survivor “Afraid to Rock the Boat” brought tears to my eyes.