Ask Amy: Dad’s parenting style includes surveillance
We broke up three years ago but remain roommates, which helps financially.
I'm also anxiety prone. He can be helpful because he does things that I have a hard time doing. However, sometimes his response to the #MeToo movement and rape culture triggers me, as I am a rape survivor.
He is one of the guys who says that rape culture does not exist and that many women lie about being assaulted.
There are times I want him to move out due to my triggers.
He is the kind of guy I don’t want to be around, but my anxiety about not being independent enough makes me ignore how uncomfortable I am being around him.
Before you mention therapy, I already am working with a therapist. What should I do?
– Stuck in Oregon
Dear Stuck: It is important for you NOT to have constant contact with someone who keeps you stuck in your trauma cycle. Since you already know your ex’s opinion on matters that are important to you, you should avoid discussing your trauma with him.
I hope your work with your therapist involves a plan to change your housing situation. Do you have friends or family members who might offer you a room – or live with you – after you ask your ex to leave?
You need a new roommate, and I hope you will work toward making sure that you create a healthier living environment for yourself.
...continued
