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Ask Amy: Teacher’s conduct pushes creep meter to 11

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

All of these events happened over 20 years ago, but the standards for teacher conduct were not radically different then than they are now.

The only difference is that you were an adolescent then. You were still sorting out the difference between positive attention from a skilled and wonderful teacher, and an adult in a position of power who wasn’t respecting the necessary boundary between him and his students.

No teacher should ever take children to his house, ever — for any reason.

No teacher should drive students in his private car. No teacher should drop by a student’s house, unannounced and uninvited. No teacher should single out a student to remark on how pretty she is, or how he likes her hair.

I assume that some of this teacher’s actions were firing offenses, even 20 years ago.

And — why has this man kept a paper of yours for over 20 years? That paper belongs to you.

 

Yes, I think you should respond to him, saying a version of: “Thank you for being such a good teacher. However, as an adult I realize that your conduct toward me and some other students was extremely inappropriate. I am not comfortable being in touch with you.” And then — do not respond to any further contact from him.

Dear Amy: I could use a few of your good zinger comeback replies to an oldest sister, who is the family beauty and uses passive aggressive questions that make me (the younger and less beautiful sister) feel inferior.

Examples: “Have you thought about trying to style your hair like mine?” Or, “Wow, how did you know how to pronounce Monet correctly?” Or, “Is that a stretch mark? I’ve never actually seen one up close!”

My sister is very proud of her atheism and makes sure to mock my beliefs with little digs at every opportunity.

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