Ask Amy: Woman feels the tick tock biological clock
If I stay in the present moment, I realize that my life is beautiful. I feel lucky, am not fearful, and can enjoy my life as it is.
When I start to think into the future, I get scared of missing my window to have children.
Will you please give me your prospective?
– Can't Wait Forever
Dear Can’t Wait: Your therapist knows you. She is encouraging you to breathe through these anxieties and learn to live more in the moment.
That is fantastic advice, and a life-skill that will help you through many challenging times.
However, when it comes to having children and family formation, timing is actually a primary motivation for most of us. When we’re in our early 20s, we tell ourselves, “I’m not ready.” Later on, we do feel ready, and whether that is the “tick tock biological clock” talking, the weight of our other relationships and experiences, or because you’ve met “The One,” the drive to have children before it’s “too late” (however we interpret that) is very real.
Does your guy have similar impulses to yours? If so, why not get started? Can you two turn your ideas into plans?
My own perspective actually dovetails with your therapist’s: You never know what will happen next. Even best-laid plans might fall by the wayside. That’s why you should always try to recognize and cherish the lovely little moments while you’re experiencing them.
Life is not a straight, smooth, and narrow path. A mature, balanced, self-actualized person learns how to roll with it.
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