Ask Amy: In this relationship, the ‘comfort zone’ is a Twilight Zone
Gaslighting (taken from the wonderful old movie, “Gaslight,”) is when a partner uses their power and influence to basically weaponize another’s insecurity, and then use it against them.
Your guy is being fairly transparent about what he wants, and instead of dealing with your refusal, he is trying to convince you that YOU and your silly need to stay in your comfort zone are the problem.
Furthermore, he is insinuating that you are actually at fault for the fact that he is a manipulative jerk, that your refusal is “anxiety,” and that your suspicions mean that you are “paranoid.”
You are not paranoid. Somebody really IS out to get you.
Dear Amy: I have two grown children now that won’t talk to me at all.
I’m not sure what happened in our relationship.
Their father and I split up when my daughter was a teenager and my son was young. The divorce was terrible on them and me.
I have never dated and worked hard to support us and keep us afloat, while their dad went about his life.
I made a lot of mistakes that I freely own, but did a good job, too (or so I thought).
So why now that my son is thriving in college and my daughter is married and has a house of her own do they want nothing to do with me?