Life Advice



Ask Amy: In this relationship, the ‘comfort zone’ is a Twilight Zone

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My partner and I have been fighting nonstop. He wants me to step out of my comfort zone. I have tried.

I let my best friend stay over for a weekend, despite the overwhelming anxiety that something might happen between them while she was with us.

Now, he keeps making passing remarks that if she stays over again, and something happens, it wouldn't be anyone's fault. He also thinks that it would definitely get me out of my comfort zone.

There is one problem: I would never agree to something like that.

I feel like he is using the comfort zone thing as a gateway.

Am I being too paranoid, or am I just blind? To me, he sounds shady.


Any advice would be appreciated.

– Anxious Wreck in Georgia

Dear Anxious Wreck: My instant reaction is that you should stay in your comfort zone, and very definitely and defiantly push your partner out of it.

You cleverly describe his “comfort zone” admonitions as a “gateway” – presumably toward him getting what he wants but there is a more common term for what he is doing, and it is called: “gaslighting.”


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