Ask Amy: Post-divorce disclosure brings about dilemma
Dear Torn: If your sister’s relationship with her daughter has deteriorated to the point where they don’t speak, then your sister likely anticipates that she will not be invited to the wedding – and perhaps would refuse to go even if she was invited.
Your choice will rest to some extent on how you perceive and understand this estrangement.
Does this tattered mother/daughter relationship mean that all of your sister’s family members must follow suit and reject her daughter?
A person who demands blind loyalty should not be in charge of your relationships, and if you decline to attend because you are afraid of your sister’s reaction toward you, then this speaks to a serious imbalance in your sisterly relationship.
However, this situation is bound to make a mother feel sad and regretful. You might say to your sister, “I’ve been invited to ‘Annie’s’ wedding, and I plan to attend. I’m not doing this to hurt you, and I certainly wish you could be there. I’m sorry you won’t be.”
Dear Amy: I loved your reply to “Unwanted Black Sheep,” who was always an afterthought to her in-laws.
You suggested sending her husband and kids off to the in-laws and staying home with the dog.
Sixty years ago, when our twins were babies, every time my parents had friends or relatives stop in, my mother would call and ask us to bring the twins over so so-and-so could see them.
One day I sent my husband and the babies over and stayed home with our older son.
My mother called and asked why I stayed home with our son.
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