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Ask Amy: Bad chemistry leads to awkward visits

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

— Not Savvy

Dear Not Savvy: You don’t like this man. Even though you know that you have conveyed your dislike to him, you now blame him for asking your husband why you don’t like him.

Why blame him? It seems to me that this is a natural question to ask a longtime friend. Surely if he had done or said something offensive to you, he might want the opportunity to apologize.

You don’t have to like everyone in the world, and because you can’t seem to pin down the basis of your reaction to this man, you could chalk it up to chemistry.

If you are going to continue to accept the generosity and hospitality offered by this couple, you should also figure out how to sit more comfortably with the dynamic brought up by your reaction to him.

If he asks you directly, you can respond, “I can tell you honestly that you have never done anything to offend me, and I appreciate my husband’s friendship with you. I know it’s awkward, but this really is one of those, ‘It’s not you, it’s ME’ situations.”

 

Dear Amy: I always thought I was a good dad, but I know I made mistakes.

My ex and I divorced when our girls were aged 7 and 4 (they are now 32 and 29).

We had a good relationship at first, but once they hit their mid-teens, they blamed me for everything from poor grades to failed relationships.

I have always tried to stay connected (phone calls, birthdays, Christmas cards), but it has been seven years since I got a return call or card.

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