Ask Amy: Remote grandmother struggles to connect
Dear Amy: I share custody of my 9-year-old son with his mother.
The other day as I was dropping him off, his mother told him that he’s “getting a belly” from eating too much junk food.
He was upset by her comment, which I think was not only rude but unwarranted. He’s always been pretty skinny.
I’m all for pushing our son toward healthier eating choices, but how do I get his mother not to make judgmental comments to our son about his body?
In the past, she’s made harsh comments to her 17-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, which has damaged not only their relationship, but her daughter’s self-esteem.
How do I protect my son from his mother’s sharp tongue?
— Worried Dad
Dear Dad: You are insightful to realize how damaging this sort of body assessment can be for your child. When parents do this, I always wonder how they would feel if someone in authority over them chose to critique them in this way. I hope you will find a way to explain your perspective to your ex.
However, you don’t want your son to feel bad about the parent he lives with half of the time.
You should make sure he always feels comfortable sharing his feelings with you (young boys are often told to “hold it in” when they should be encouraged to “let it out”).
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