Ask Amy: Remote grandmother struggles to connect
What do you think?
— Distant Grandmother
Dear Distant: I am very sorry that you are not being granted the relationship you want to have — and deserve to have — with your grandchild.
However, she has been with you in person one time in her more recent memory. For most kids, that is not enough.
Teenagers are driven by extremely complex emotions and interactions; they simply do not have the foresight or hindsight to always do what is good for them.
You have tried mightily to keep this connection going and growing but her father and stepmother would have to be very active participants in order to promote such a remote relationship.
Pressure and pleading don’t work.
Keep in touch and yes – send her gifts until she turns 18, and then cards and notes after that.
If possible, connect with her on social media in order to see what she’s up to, but don’t pressure her on any of those platforms, either.
When she turns 18, send her some photos of her mom at that age. Share some memories of her mother that would make her smile. She (and you) lost her mom at a very young age, and you are the link to that part of her past.
...continued
