ArcaMax

I’m privately in anguish. I also feel humiliated and ashamed with family and friends, because I moved in with marriage as the reason, and now that may not be in the cards for us. I’m also very sad and told him so. That’s when he said he would do it, but mainly to make me happy.

I owe it to myself to resolve this. I could continue to cohabit and wait for when he might be ready, which makes me feel resigned and sad, because it might never happen. Or I could leave, which I don’t want to do.

Do you have any advice for me? I’m lost.

– C

Dear C: You can resolve this only by resolving it for yourself. You cannot resolve this for him.

Your options are stark: You can certainly test to see if a prenup (preserving his assets in case of divorce) will move him closer to a marriage commitment. If he waffles, delays, or refuses, and if marriage is a core value and requirement for you, then you can resolve your own anguish by making the very tough choice to exit the relationship.

I understand the embarrassment and possible humiliation you might feel at the failure of this relationship to fulfil your own goals but dragging a reluctant partner over the finish line is hardly the path to the sort of balanced and loving marriage you deserve to have.

This is the kind of important conversation a couples’ counselor could help to facilitate.

Dear Amy: I am the oldest of four siblings. My other siblings live out of state.

Our mother passed away many, many years ago. It was just two years ago that her cremains were interred.

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