Ask Amy: Mom would like to be offered a cup of joe
While I was there, my son-in-law went out for coffee, bringing it back for my daughter and himself! I couldn't believe it.
No one even offered me so much as a glass of water!
I left the visit feeling so used, unappreciated, overwhelmed, and heartbroken.
I don't know what to make of this rudeness. I cry by myself in frustration.
This has been going on for years, now, but I did not raise my children to be so rude and unappreciative!
– Steamed!
Dear Steamed!: I beg to differ. You are obviously a generous and giving person, but you did raise your children to be rude and unappreciative.
Not only do you not react or respond when these adults are rude to you, but you actually enable and subsidize them.
When you don’t express your feelings directly to the people inspiring them, you are being dishonest. And so, rather than merely assert your own human right to have feelings and express them, you are crying into your pillow and then blaming these adults for not being able to read you.
By subsidizing their rent, you have created a false economy. They don’t put their earnings toward housing costs, because you’re doing it. They go out for coffee instead of brewing it at home, and don’t offer it to you because – why not? They can “afford” it, and you are invisible.
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