ArcaMax

Dear Amy: As we emerge from this dense fog of isolation caused by the pandemic and socialize more, I’m wondering how to handle a certain situation.

I have a few acquaintances who are “friends of friends,” who have suffered immeasurable loss during this year due to COVID, drug abuse, or other life events.

What can I say to these people at festive affairs, knowing they’ve suffered so much?

– Speechless

Dear Speechless: At festive affairs, grieving people may sometimes try to take a break from the daily burden of processing their losses. However, you should acknowledge these losses, and then give them an opportunity to have a conversation with you and expand on their situation, or thank you and move on to another subject.

For someone who has lost a loved-one: “Janet, I was so sorry to learn that your mother passed away this year. I can only imagine what this has been like for you.”

For people who have survived challenges or other tragedies involving family members (and their situation is well-known to you), you can say, “I understand it has been a rough year. I hope you’re doing OK.”

You should not convey that you are aware of intensely private family matters if you are unsure about the source of your information. If your mutual friend passed along private knowledge about another family’s struggle without their tacit permission, your choice to bring it up would create problems in their friendship.

Dear Amy: I am a 71-year-old male living in Southern California.

I have been called "Sweetie, Honey, and Dear" at various stages of my life by female service providers of all ages and backgrounds.

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