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Ask Amy: Affair that didn’t go well, didn’t end well

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I’ve told him (more than once) that I find “gender confused” a slur against people who understand they are more comfortable expressing themselves as a gender other than their birth-assigned-gender, and he responded (loudly and angrily), "So you're saying I'm not entitled to my opinion?"

I believe he's entitled to his opinion, but I want to tell him that I don't want to continue our friendship if he feels a need to express his opinion in a way that makes me feel so sad and angry.

How do I do this when he isn't willing to listen or change his choice of words?

– Lonesome Single

Dear Lonesome: You’ve already called out this person, and he has loudly responded that his opinion means more to him than respecting your stated wishes.

I’m not sure why you two end up discussing gender so often, but you don’t seem to have supplied him with a term you would prefer him to use. “Confusion” does not describe your transitioning child, but “Non-conforming” might.

It seems likely, however, that you do not have the power to inspire him to change either his opinion or the language he uses to express it.

Threatening to end the friendship over this will likely bring on another round of his opinions.

It’s possible that this friendship has run its course, and if that’s the case, it’s not necessary to issue a warning.

 

Dear Amy: The letter signed “Just Like Mom” was from a woman whose perfectionism seemed to rule her life.

This was my life story, until my therapist suggested medication. It has damped down the extremes, allowing me to cope with the normal. It changed my life.

– No Longer Perfect

Dear No Longer: “Just Like Mom” is currently seeing a therapist; I hope her counselor is as competent as yours was.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


 

 

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