Ask Amy: Wife is riding the tilt-a-whirl of husband’s addiction
I feel like he keeps doing shady things that make me question his honesty.
We've been to a few couples counseling sessions, but nothing has been resolved. In fact, I am now going alone because I'm insecure and anxious.
He says these are my problems to fix — not his.
Although things are going OK, I can't help but think they are OK because I'm not bringing up my feelings or rocking the boat.
I'm scared. I don't want to lose my husband, but I also don't like living this way, in constant fear that he's going to leave me or that he is pursuing someone behind my back.
How can I get him to understand where I am coming from and commit to putting effort into our marriage?
– Devastated Wife
Dear Devastated: I hope your therapist is helping you to see that at this point, your own behavior seems to have taken on addictive characteristics.
Ask your counselor to talk to you about codependency: This describes a person who is insecure, self-sacrificing, enabling, and ultimately desperate to control the object of their attachment.
Your husband seems to have learned (possibly in rehab) that there should be a boundary between his problems and your problems, but here you are strapped onto the tilt-a-whirl of his addiction cycle.
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