Ask Amy: Woman seeks romantic renovation
Dear Amy: I am a 62-year-old divorced woman.
I have not dated – or been interested in dating — for many years.
In January, my house caught fire and now is being completely renovated.
There is a man who is part of the crew that I have fallen for.
This is unusual for me — to say the least.
My daughter and my best friend are shocked at how I am acting – like I am in high school!
The problem is that I don’t know if he is married, has a girlfriend, etc., and I am way too shy to ask him.
I find myself making up questions to ask him when I go to the house.
I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him.
How do I find out if he is married? All the other guys have wedding rings except for him.
I know construction workers frequently do not wear their wedding rings due to possible injury.
I feel as if I am losing my mind! Help?
Dear Crushed: You could check social media (Facebook, etc.), to see if you can locate a profile for the object of your crush. His stated “status” might clear this up.
I am married to a builder, and I assure you that the men on his crew wear “work safe” wedding rings if they’re married. (I could say that the “risk of injury” applies more to what might happen at home if they didn’t.)
When I shared your question with my husband, he heartily encouraged you to go for it!
One benefit of that “high school” feeling is that the wacky energy you’re experiencing can propel you to be bold. You just need to steel yourself to accept the possibility of a gentle “no.”
I can’t help you to become less shy, but maybe I can inspire you.
Over a decade ago, under circumstances extremely similar to yours, I acted on my own crush (which incidentally launched me back more toward middle school than high school). I did it by utilizing my version of Napoleon’s legendary battle plan: “You engage. And then you wait and see.”
I got up the nerve to ask the handsome builder renovating my house out for coffee. After many years as a single parent, it was the bravest and best bid for romance I’ve ever dared to make. (My teenage daughter rolled her eyes – and cheered me on.)
Six months later, we were married. Talk about a renovation!
Dear Amy: For my 80th birthday, my four sons gave me a "trip anywhere on Highway 80."
COVID and other aspects of life intervened, and I had my 81st birthday six months ago.
No one seems to remember that promise.
They've all had vacations of their own, but no one has mentioned my 80th trip. This would be the highlight of my life.
Can you give me the words to remind them, without sounding snarky or greedy?
– Not Getting Any Younger
Dear Not Getting Any: What a creative and thoughtful gift!
Now, it’s time to collect.
I suggest you send an email to all four of your wonderful sons, perhaps quoting the John Denver song: “All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go, the taxi’s waiting, it’s blowing its horn…”
Say, “Gentlemen, I’m not getting any younger. Let’s plan the trip of my lifetime!
Route 80 is the transcontinental highway going from the NYC area all the way across the United States to San Francisco. Because they’ve offered a trip “anywhere on Highway 80,” you might want to choose the route between two desired destinations, in order to try to lock them into a specific plan (the plan can change later).
I located a fun roundup of things to do and see along the Route 80 corridor on roadtrippers.com. Attractions range from museums, spectacular natural sites, the country’s largest time capsule (Seward, Nebraska), to Lagomarcino's legendary Confectionary in Moline, Illinois. I’ll happily meet you there.
Dear Amy: Your response to “Bored” bothered me. She reported being chastised by her husband, who insists that she must let others talk, uninterrupted, until they stop. Then wait two beats to make sure they’re not just taking a breath.
She says this leads to monologues that can last for 20 minutes or more.
For sure, this woman is an interrupter, and her husband is calling her on it.
– Been There
Dear Been There: Even if she is an interrupter, her husband can offer feedback, but he does not have the right to control her.
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