Ask Amy: Retired teachers take on a grandchild
How do I get my husband to understand? I feel this is so unfair to me and I am so hurt that my husband would even suggest letting him stay in our home.
Could you please help me to get my husband to understand? Should I just give this person another chance, the way my husband wants me to?
– Uncomfortable
Dear Uncomfortable: Your husband is only willing to understand your distress or empathize with you to the degree where it won’t interfere with his own friendship.
Yes, this is very disappointing.
You face some choices: To refuse to have this man in your home, to find somewhere else for you to stay during his visit, or to confront “Dan” yourself (you can rehearse ways to do this) — understanding that he may also deny, diminish, or refute your claim.
It is always best to have an ally in your own home, and to have a partner who has your back, but your husband will only go part-way.
You are going to have to pick up the slack and validate your own experience, and then take steps to resolve it, so that you don’t continue to feel so vulnerable and alone.
Dear Amy: Like your reader “Used to be a Mom,” my son also chose estrangement over 30 years ago.
I still don't know why, and it was devastating.
...continued
