Ask Amy: She’s not a Bridezilla, but might be a Friendzilla
It's been over a year and I have only talked to one and she's just using me to vent about what's going on in her life. I want to just end it, but I miss the relationship we had with each other.
What should I do?
– Anonymous Ex-friend
Dear Anonymous: First, a wedding pro-tip: If you want to plan your wedding privately and don’t want people to chime in on your plans (a reasonable goal), then don’t discuss your plans.
Next, an observation: I am surprised (and yet, not-at-all-surprised) that, having experienced a global pandemic that has exposed all of us to actual life-and-death decisions regarding relationships you are still replaying, reviewing, and relitigating your disappointment from last year.
If you want to try to move your junior high relationships into the adult realm, then you should start by behaving like a thoughtful, considerate, authentic adult.
If it’s true that these friends were trashing you at your wedding reception, then you should assume that they don’t necessarily wish you well. You have spoken to one friend over the last year but don’t seem to have expressed your disappointment in her behavior. Would an explanation or apology help? If so, be brave enough to ask for it.
I’ve seen variations of this quote floating around on the internet: “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
If these friends were in your life for a season, then you should understand that the seasons have changed, and it’s time to move on.
Dear Amy: I live with roommates, “Jeff” and “Beth.” They are a couple.