Ask Amy: BFF friendship might have run its course
Dear Amy: I have had a close friend for 16 years. We worked together, and she and I both went through nasty divorces, which was a bonding experience. We have sons similar in age. We both got lucky and found love again.
However, over the last several years, things have shifted. She is a chronic last-minute canceler, always with a good excuse: Her family, her car, or something else she forgot about. She’s missed birthdays and other important things. She keeps calling us “BFF’s,” but I don’t see it.
Last year, she sent out a text invite for a fun-themed dinner, confirming last-minute details for everyone on the text chain.
A few minutes later, she admitted that she had sent the invitation to me accidentally.
The kicker was that someone backed out at the last minute, and then I got an actual invite and was told that if I wanted to attend, I’d better be wearing a theme costume like everyone else. I declined.
Am I wrong to feel insulted? I’ve never brought this up to her, but think it was rude.
I think it is way past the appropriate time to bring this up now.
– Slighted BFF
Dear Slighted: It is completely legitimate to feel insulted when someone insults you. Absolutely.
I suspect the reason you’ve ruminated on this for over a year is: either you somehow believe your feelings are not to be trusted, or, even if your feelings are trustworthy, you don’t have the right to “have” them.