Ask Amy: Brothers don’t honor brotherly bond
What do you suggest I do?
– Disrespected
Dear Disrespected: You are seeking your brother’s respect, and you have the right to receive it.
Your therapist has provided very sound, practical advice.
However, you seem to be delaying the hard but ultimately satisfying work of building and enforcing boundaries, by seeking a second opinion.
I agree completely with your therapist.
I’ll add that the person who sets boundaries also has to respect them.
You do not have the right to control who enters your father’s apartment. It is your dad’s home, and these are boundaries HE — not you —will have to create and enforce.
So yes, be specific about the behavior that bothers you, and stay in the moment (don’t launch into an encyclopedic recitation of previous slings and arrows). You might want to explore ways to back away from your intense involvement; a subtle change can help to create more balance in this very challenging dynamic.
Dear Amy: I belong to a group of 18 crafters who have enjoyed twice-yearly weekend retreats for several years. We share laughter, food, stories, our expertise — and lots of hugs.
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