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Ask Amy: Family contacts with abusive ex continue to hurt

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I was married for 12 years and had three children with my first husband, “Ed.”

Four years after the marriage ended, I married my second husband, “Karl.” We’ve been married for many years, and the kids and I are extremely close to Karl’s family.

The problem is with my family. My ex-husband Ed was verbally, emotionally, and at times physically abusive.

I spent three years in therapy for an eating disorder and years in group therapy to try to recover. My family members are aware of this history.

My parents contact Ed regularly to see how he is doing and to use his company (he is a contractor).

Recently, my son was visiting my folks when my mother told him and his girlfriend that Ed is a really great guy and has been helping them out. My sisters do the same, calling Ed on his birthday, etc.

 

My son's girlfriend was shocked that my family cares so much for the man that treated me so badly. My husband is also shocked by how my family reacts to Ed.

I feel so humiliated.

I've always had low self-esteem. My mother is overbearing.

I'm so hurt that at times I just want to move away and not look back.

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