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Ask Amy: DNA disclosure disrupts extended family

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Tough Spot: Of all of the people you mention, you are the least connected (or directly affected) by this news. Because of that, I don’t think you have the right to share it.

All of your information is indirect. Since this information is from your aunt’s ex-husband, and because his motives are suspect, I don’t think you should even assume that it is true, until someone with direct knowledge confirms it.

You and your mother seem to have developed a complex set of theories about other family members based on your mutual and indirect knowledge of this DNA test. However, because you both believe this to be true, your mother (not you) should talk to her sister about it.

She should lay the responsibility for this knowledge with her sister’s ex: “I wish Stan had not violated your privacy and disclosed this, but he did.”

Your mother could also take a DNA test, which would reveal the extent of their chromosomal sibling connection. Then it WOULD be her business (and, to a much lesser extent – yours).

Given how family secrets sometimes circulate like a game of “telephone,” I think there is some likelihood that your former uncle did tell his children (and probably others), but they are all sitting on this because they don’t realize that anyone else knows.

 

Dear Amy: My girlfriend, “Jean” asked my advice.

Her friend, “Pam” (age 64), is divorced. Pam is throwing a 40th birthday party for her daughter. Pam’s ex-husband has not spoken to their daughter in about 10 years.

Pam feels there should be some contact between the two. She wants to invite him to the 40th party, along with HIS girlfriend.

Pam wants to have her daughter to become part of her father’s life but, we’re not talking about a teenager daughter here — the girl is 40 years old!

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