Ask Amy: Woman wants to get out of her own way
— Annoying
Dear Annoying: My theory is that the pandemic has caused many of us to journey — perhaps too far — into our own heads.
Let’s establish that “being you” is NOT wrong, but stress will amplify some habits and insecurities.
It is normal to ruminate about a challenging job review, but when you are confronted with critical feedback, the healthiest thing to do is to use it to make whatever adjustments you can.
You received an hour-long directive from your boss, but you don’t offer specifics. Is that because you weren’t able to hear anything beyond, “You’re not enough of a team player,” due to the whooshing sound in your head?
It is a challenge to pause and actively listen, when you are an enthusiastic talker (trust me, I know!). Some of your questions might seem redundant to people who believe they have already addressed them — were you listening?
You cannot change your temperament (you seem bubbly and lively, which is wonderful), but you CAN change your habits.
I highly recommend the book “You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters,” by journalist Kate Murphy (2020, Celadon Books). Murphy describes listening as less a behavior than a state of mind. She also quotes Calvin Coolidge (!) who said, “Nobody ever lost his job by listening too much.”
Dear Amy: About eight weeks ago, we loaned our daughter and son-in-law $5,000 because they got themselves into a financial bind. They both make good money, but are bad money managers.
She promised to pay us back in a couple of weeks when they received their $5,000 deposit back from a house they had been renting.
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