ArcaMax

Weddings are highly charged events; feelings and insecurities are heightened in anticipation. Communicate with your parents honestly and as soon as possible, letting them know what your plans are, giving them time to adjust.

Consider having both of your (adoptive) parents — not just your dad — walk you down the aisle to formally present you to your prospective spouse. They deserve that honor.

Understand that your mom might feel threatened, jealous, and upset, no matter what plan you present. Affirm her feelings, saying: “I know this is hard, but there is no question in my mind about who my ‘real’ parents are — you two! I hope you can keep that in mind and help me by being friendly to my biological mom during the events. It’s hard on me, too, but I’m trying to do the right thing.”

Dear Amy: “Carrie” and I met at work a few years ago.

She's well-known, but for some reason, has no "real" friends. As I got to know her better, I realized that she is needy and selfish, the kind of person who has no trouble asking for things, but who doesn’t reciprocate.

When we hung out, it was always at the location she wanted. I'd have to take pictures of her for her Instagram (dozens at a time, in different locations!) and she would always keep me waiting.

Over the last two years, I've been trying to ice her out, but she has not taken the hint, confronting me when I haven’t included her in gatherings. I should have been more upfront, but I thought she would figure it out.

A few months ago, her dad died during the COVID-19 lockdown. I handled it the way I would for an acquaintance: A heartfelt call, a message to check up, and a memorial gift.

Today, she exploded at me. She expected more. She thinks I'm selfish.

I just don't want to be there for her. Does that make me a terrible human being?

...continued