Ask Amy: He’s a great dad, but a bad drinker
He is sharing his feelings of depression with you. Unfortunately, alcohol is a depressant, which will make everything worse for him. Obviously, his drinking is having a huge impact on your home life, and I would guess that your toddlers are already gaining an awareness of their dad’s problem.
Yes, your husband should initiate a job search. His depression likely makes him feel paralyzed; his inertia might also be a red herring, providing him with a “reason” to stay exactly where he is, in order to keep drinking.
It wouldn’t be wise for him to leave his job until he finds another job, because many hours at home could increase his drinking.
You must take care of yourself and your children. If this situation is intolerable (I could imagine it might be), you should take whatever steps you can to temporarily separate from him. You must not martyr your family to his addiction, but instead you should recognize your own powerlessness to force him to stop.
Dear Amy: I wanted to share my view on the "Independent" woman who was offended when her in-laws visited her vacation home, cleaned it and did some repairs.
My sisters and I used to complain every time my mom did something for us.
One day my dad said four words that clicked and changed me forever: "Just say thank you.” WOW. That moment was magical for me.
Not needing to prove to others you are in control makes you more in control.
When my parents would come to visit, I learned to stop trying to control them, and enjoyed whatever they came to do. My dad would fly across the country with his essential tool box, and my mom would also bring her things, including gloves! They loved it if I had projects for them in advance!
Now they cannot travel, I have the memories of the projects and things they did around the house.
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