Life Advice



Ask Amy: Husband seeks a good reason to leave

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

— Wondering

Dear Wondering: Even though you maintain that your relationship has not been satisfying for you, you cast yourself as your wife’s rescuer from her abusive home life. However, really it was her grandfather’s legacy of a house that seems to have liberated her from that household. You married her in order to help that along, but surely you saw some benefit, too.

Marriages start — and then fail — for all sorts of reasons. No matter what you tell your wife as you are leaving, it will only be partly true for her because, if she is deeply hurt, she will assign reasons on her own accord. Just don’t blame her for your choice to leave.

You can tell her, “It’s not you, it’s me.” “I’m conflicted about having children and I know you want them.” “I haven’t been happy for a long time, and I don’t think you are, either.” “We started our lives together when we were so young. We grew up together, but now we’ve grown apart.”

Just don’t tell her, “I don’t believe I ever loved you.”

Dear Amy: My husband just retired under medical disability.


He has had no income for four weeks.

I am working and we have savings and retirement accounts.

I just found out that he contacted our financial adviser to supply documents to borrow against one of our retirement accounts.

I am outraged that he spoke to a third-party and took steps toward this goal without discussing it with me.


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