Ask Amy: First cancer hits, then heartbreak follows
What do I do now? Besides go on with my life?
I’m working again, but it is tough by myself. I know I won’t give up or give in, but this still hurts.
Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
— Heartbroken in Dallas
Dear Heartbroken: Conventional wisdom might suggest that someone who hangs in there through the worst of things would then breathe a sigh of relief and commit to being there during recovery. But people leave. Your partner might have been exhausted by the caregiving she did during the worst of your illness.
I suspect that she might have wanted to leave just before, or maybe during your illness, but hung in there out of duty, guilt, loyalty, or compassion for you.
And what you must do now is go on with your life.
You are already doing this, in gradual steps that will become strides. Your recovery from this extremely painful breakup might parallel your recovery from cancer. Look at each day and celebrate your smaller victories. Write them down: A good day at work, a conversation with a friend, a creative project started or completed, an extra lap around the track, increased physical strength, another day of cancer-free living. You are demonstrating impressive resilience and strength. Recognizing that – deep down – will be an important building block for the new and improved you.
Dear Amy: Every time my mom put dinner on the table I said, “Thank you,” up until her death, and I am 56.
It is not just a family thing. When I prepare meals for friends, family, work colleagues or when we go out, it seems that saying thank you after a meal is the norm.
...continued
