Ask Amy: Does it work to tell someone how you feel?
I have definitely chosen to communicate textually (text, email, letter) when it is important to get the words exactly right. I agree with you that this can often be the most effective way to communicate with a loved one. Each party has the time and space to take in what is being expressed.
When people choose to verbalize their feelings, it is helpful to choose the right moment and the right words (sometimes even practicing in advance). That’s why I try to inspire people by providing a little script.
As always, however, when you behave authentically, you must prepare for the other person to respond authentically – and (more often than not), that person goes off script! This is why it is so important to not only learn how to talk, but also listen.
Dear Amy: Why is it so acceptable to drink alcohol as an activity? Alcohol impairs judgment, disinhibits, often gets paired with other drugs, ruins families, leads to serious health problems, causes traffic and other accidents, and deaths.
Yet, people all the time get together to have a drink, meet over drinks, go out drinking, celebrate with drinking, receive bad news by having a drink, boost their confidence with a drink, serve every dinner with a drink, etc.
Why is this necessary? I don't understand it any more than I understand why most people drive well over the speed limit.
— Curious, in Silver Spring MD
Dear Curious: It is not necessary to drink alcohol in order to celebrate, socialize, cope with one’s boredom, or enhance the flavor of a juicy steak. There is no question that alcohol consumption (and addiction) is responsible for incalculable damage to individuals, families, and society at large.
And yet people do things all the time that aren’t acceptable, necessary, healthy, or good for themselves and others. Our freedom to make unhealthy mistakes is one of the most challenging aspects of being human.
When we choose to drink alcohol, we are choosing to imbibe a substance that will alter our perceptions. As an occasional wine drinker, I believe that can be a pleasurable and positive choice.
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