Ask Amy: Friend is worried about pal’s abusive marriage
Dear Amy: My closest friend from college is 65 years old. We talk on the phone regularly.
He related a serious incident to me yesterday about his wife (of 35 years) physically attacking him.
She punched him in the head and split his lip with an ashtray. He fell to the floor, and she continued punching and kicking him, bruising him in several places.
I tried to encourage him to leave, but he won’t. He plans on staying in a completely loveless, and now violent, relationship.
I don’t know what my next step should be. He got angry when I mentioned that I would call his son. However, what if I don't do anything and this behavior escalates?
— Concerned Friend
Dear Friend: The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) quotes an alarming statistic: One in seven men in the U.S. age 18 and over has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime. Male victims of IPV (intimate partner violence) are often reluctant to involve the police because of a perceived bias toward female victims (and the fear that the man will be arrested, even if he is the injured party).
Your friend told you about his abuse, which is an important step. Keep talking and continue to be concerned and supportive. Instead of urging him to leave the marriage, ask if he would come to visit you (if possible).
Helpguide.org has extremely helpful information and resources specifically for male victims of domestic violence. Share this with your friend. In terms of reaching out to his son, you will have to decide if this would further isolate him. His injuries, however, are alarming, and I believe the son should be told.
Dear Amy: My father is 87 years old.
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