ArcaMax

I can understand why your husband doesn’t confront them about their lateness. He wants to establish “home” as a place where they aren’t judged, criticized, or stigmatized. He’s going for “normalcy,” but the entire situation is very loaded.

I think you have two choices: You can commit to this experience, and decide that this is a beautiful way that you specifically can show your love and compassion toward these men. Release your anger elsewhere, anticipate their lateness, and make food that is easily served room-temperature (or easily reheated).

You can go on strike. Tell your husband, “This has become a very tough situation for me. When it comes to these visits, you are very tense and demanding. The next time we plan a meal with our sons, you are going to have to handle it. I’ll help out, but you need to be in charge of the food.”

You and your husband should commit to counseling, and/or a “friends and family” support group.

Dear Amy: How do I gracefully withdraw from involvement in a church?

My husband was attending, and I accompanied him for a time.

The members are good and well-meaning people who do good things.

I got involved in some activities that the church offered, but with this COVID situation, I have had time for reflection. I have found my heart returning to my own traditions.

My husband keeps telling me not to say anything to anyone. I know that he likes and greatly respects my tradition, and is happy about it, but he has a commitment for a year to the church.

I am fine with him attending alone. If, however, in the future, the church opens up, I know people will be asking where I am, and I am not sure how to handle this. I don’t want to leave people hanging, but also don’t want to apologize for my beliefs.

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