Ask Amy: Scorned husband needs a dose of cordial
— Ruminating Widow
Dear Widow: You have experienced a huge loss. I believe that you ruminate about your son’s behavior because on some level you think that if you behave differently, he will behave differently – and you won’t experience another loss.
Given how your son handles all of his relationships, it is unlikely that he will spontaneously change. You can protect yourself by reacting honestly, proportionately, and calmly: “I believe you are hurting, and that’s why you push other people away. You’re an adult. I hope you can find a more productive way of handling disputes with people. I find your treatment of me degrading, and I’m not here for it. I will always welcome you into my life, but I also expect you to be nice to me.”
Dear Amy: You often run letters from people concerned about a family member’s drinking.
I’d like to add a suggestion. When confronting an alcoholic about concerns with their drinking — only do this when they are sober, otherwise, it’s wasted energy.
— Been There
Dear Been There: Absolutely.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
