ArcaMax

Dear Daughter: Wanting to advance your career, move on to a different field, make more money, or simply make a change does not mean you are being disloyal. Your mother might frame your choice that way, but if she does, that is yet another reason for you to leave.

I’m going to suggest, however, that your mother might surprise you. (Moms are occasionally capable of surprising their offspring.)

You should meet with her outside of the home and office. Take her out for coffee, if possible. Write down your thoughts in advance.

Thank her for providing this opportunity. Express your gratitude. Tell her that you believe you’ve gone as far as you can in the family business.

“I’ve decided to start a job search, and I want to give you a heads up that I’m going to be leaving the company. I will help you find and train my replacement, if you want.”

Would you stay with the company if your mother gave you a raise? You should consider this possibility and have your answer ready. Be firm and friendly in expressing your resolve. Keep it professional. Do not criticize her or your sister. Do not anchor to her reaction if she becomes upset.

You have the right and responsibility to solve your own problems. The same goes for your mother.

Dear Amy: I have a friend who is overly generous. We exchange birthday and Christmas gifts, but she quite regularly sends me other gifts that I really don't want.

I am at the age where I am downsizing, and I really don't want more stuff.

I feel if I donate the gift (or regift it to someone else), she might wonder where the gift is when visiting me.

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