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Ask Amy: Woman being ‘ghosted’ goes back for more

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

— Blind-sided

Dear Blind-sided: “Ghosting” is when someone ignores you, without explanation. I don’t believe the behavior is new, but the ubiquity of technology makes it feel more visceral.

Yes, he is ghosting you. He has done this before, and you have always coaxed him back. Over the course of your five-year relationship, you have done the heavy lifting — traveling a great distance to see him, even though you are working and he is retired, staying with him even though you have felt degraded, and forgiving him after he ditched you.

You could use this man’s behavior as an excuse to avoid all men. You could claim that you’ve been spooked by “ghosting,” but — this is actually about you. Chas was abandoning you the whole time, especially when there was an uncomfortable moment to confront. Every time he was abusive, didn’t show up, or avoided you after a conflict, he was leaving the relationship.

I suspect that your choices now are related to your self-worth (possibly a legacy of your ex-husband’s abandonment). When you truly believe you are worthy (and you are!), your relationships will reflect it.

Dear Amy: I am a man, happily married (second marriage) to a wonderful woman. We have four young-adult children in our blended family.

 

Over the course of our time together, I have taken on many of the household duties that women are usually saddled with.

My wife and I both work full-time and when the kids were younger, she took on most kid-related stuff (doctor’s appointments, driving them everywhere, homework, etc.) and I did everything else — shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, household, lawn and vehicle maintenance. That balance totally worked for us, and I think it was great for our kids to see me be so domestic. Honestly, I’m good at it.

Now that our children are grown, however, I’ve noticed that my wife and I have maintained our roles, which means that I keep the household running and she … enjoys my efforts. Amy, I’m tired.

Any suggestions?

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