Ask Amy: Woman being ‘ghosted’ goes back for more
Dear Amy: I’m a smart, well-educated woman in my mid-50s. I’ve been dating “Chas,” (in his mid-60s) for five years. This is my first relationship after over 30 years with my ex. (My ex-husband abruptly left me and our kids for another woman).
Chas and I have maintained a long-distance relationship. He tells me daily how much he loves me. He got a tattoo with my initials.
I have a great job in health care. Before the pandemic we managed to meet every four to six weeks (usually I was the one traveling to see him — an 8-hour drive). We’ve discussed moving in together. I have been looking for a job closer to him (he’s retired).
I love him, although he is very moody and has been verbally abusive.
Recently over the phone, we had a small argument; I suggested that we cool off and talk again before the end of the day.
Well, I have not heard from him since (more than two months ago). I apologized via email, voicemail and text. Nothing.
Unfortunately, this has happened before — one time, he simply never showed up at the airport when I flew in.
Some of these “off” periods have lasted as long as six months, and I am always the one to reach out. This behavior mirrors the end of my marriage and I feel betrayed, stunned and shocked all over again.
Friends say this is “ghosting,” and is widespread in the dating world now.
I am working on self-esteem with a therapist. If this behavior is common, I’m not sure I’ll ever be strong enough to start dating again. How do I move forward?