ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has a son, “Franklin,” who is 20.

Franklin works a few hours a week at a restaurant, with no aspirations to go to school or get a full-time job.

Prior to him turning 18, he would split his time equally between his mother's house and ours, which worked out well.

Now he spends five days at our house and two days at his mother's house. He sleeps all day and is awake all night playing video games (loudly, I might add).

He does nothing to help, nor does he pay any rent.

I believe he is required to do some chores at his mother's, which I am assuming is why he chooses to mainly live with us. My husband and I have demanding jobs (60-plus hours per week), and we could use some help around the house. My husband is defensive about this situation.

Finally, last week, we both sat down with Franklin. He is supposed to clean his room, change his sleeping schedule, help with the yardwork and the dishes, and stay half the time with his mother.

The first day, he picked up his room. It is now 10 days later. He is back to staying here five days a week. It is 4:30 p.m., and he is still sleeping, even though he is supposed to be working.

I am very resentful. Although my name is on the deed and I have put thousands of dollars into the house, I feel this is not my home, as I have no say in the living arrangements. — No Peace of Mind

Dear No Peace: It is hard to be a stepparent, especially when you are assigned (or assume) such a tangential role with your family.

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