Ask Amy: Don’t dwell with dad of layabout daughters
What are your thoughts? How should I handle her the next time she comes around? — Perplexed
Dear Perplexed: I agree that you are not obligated to give anything to “Shelly,” but I think you should sit on this for as long as you want to in order to make a decision that feels right for you.
If these items are not big, valuable, or particularly important to you, you might actually end up feeling liberated if these items leave your household. Understanding, or believing, that these things might have originally belonged to Shelly could make it awkward for you to continue to live with them.
I suggest that you get her contact information, ask her to refrain from popping by uninvited, and let her know that you will definitely contact her if you want to pass along any of these possessions.
Dear Amy: As an adult looking back, I recall that my childhood abuser (“Mr. Smith”), who abused me from the ages of four to 12, had a framed picture of his three granddaughters (that his family would not allow him to visit) in his home.
I understand why people feel they can’t file charges against (pedophile) family members, but I believe I was the replacement granddaughter; the result of people who cannot report abuse. — Survivor
Dear Survivor: Your story sends shivers up my spine. Thank you so very much for summoning the courage to share it.
Your attitude is laudable. Beyond laudable.
I believe that family members who protect their own children from further abuse, but knowingly permit an abuser to stay in the world to prey on other children should be charged as accessories-after-the-fact.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
