Ask Amy: In grief, you learn who your friends are
Even though there has been a stigma attached to teen pregnancy (certainly in your aunt’s generation), please, don’t attach shame to this. Your aunt went through a rough experience. You could assume that she paid dearly for it.
Yes, this will change your cousins’ opinion of their mother, but, quite possibly, in a positive way. Knowing the truth should deepen their compassion for her. It may also answer some lingering questions they have had.
You cannot predict how your cousins will react. You should move forward with the understanding that you do not have the right to hold onto a secret that affects them, possibly in profound ways. You need only ask yourself how you would feel if other family members knew something so large and important about your mother’s life, and failed to tell you.
Dear Amy: My husband of 29 years recently died after a long illness.
“Marlene” has been my friend for almost 40 years. I called her to tell her about my husband’s death, and she offered me no words of sympathy. After that call — and to this day — she has not called, texted, emailed, or sent a condolence card.
I have been blessed with a group of friends who are kind and have been very supportive during my bereavement. Marlene is the only one who has not.
I feel like telling her off in an email, but I really have no interest in continuing a friendship with her.
Should I just let it go? — Grieving
Dear Grieving: I’m very sorry for your loss.
Yes, you should let this go. The best way for you to let it go, however, might be to express yourself in an email. Your motivation should not be to punish “Marlene,” but to tell her how you feel. She may respond by apologizing, by becoming defensive, or by blaming you for some ancient slight or a time of inattention that you have long forgotten. She might not respond at all.
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