Ask Amy: Husband patrols wife’s feelings
Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for a long time. We are in our 60s.
Several times now when “Millie” feels slighted by a friend, I have mentioned a mitigating reason that the alleged offensive act is not so bad as it might seem.
Millie goes into a rage and charges me with “not supporting” her.
She says I am telling her that she is not entitled to her feelings.
I think that I AM supporting her by suggesting that she doesn’t have to feel so offended. Also, she is punishing ME for having an opinion.
Millie seems to believe that rage is a proportionate response to my stating something that is not quite what she wants to hear.
She claims that I could state my objection a different way without “judging” her. I don’t know how that is possible because any disagreement is a judgment on the other person’s point of view.
Millie also says that I regularly disagree with her, seemingly for the sake of being contrary, “even though I don’t realize it.”
By my mind she is becoming intolerant of my having my own views on things.
I love Millie and generally have enjoyed living together, but I can’t abide with living in fear of saying anything besides “yes, dear.”