Ask Amy: Woman wonders about ‘outing’ friend’s husband
That having been said, if your friend asked you outright: “What do you think is going on with Frederick? He doesn’t seem interested in me…” you could respond: “Have you two ever talked about his sexuality? He has always struck me as being more sexually fluid than you are.”
Dear Amy: I am a 29-year-old woman. Last year I met “Tony” on a dating app. Soon into the relationship the issue of my weight came up, and he said, “I only date models. I like women 6 feet tall and thin.” He said he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. I am 6 feet tall, but a size 12.
I tried really hard and lost a few pounds. We’ve lived together for almost a year. Six weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant. This is a miracle, considering that we only have sex once a month.
Now he says he’s depressed and unhappy with me and my weight, and that he can’t go on for another 50 years in a sexless marriage. This has hurt unimaginably. He says I’m dirty and disgusting and that I can’t raise a child.
I’m so scared. Now I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do. Do I leave and move back to my parents’ house? I have a good job, and I could manage.
What confuses me is that after he says all this stuff, he’ll then say, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to break up and be the bad guy.” I feel so confused. I care for him a lot. I don’t even know what’s normal anymore.
Scared
Dear Scared: You say you don’t know what is normal anymore, and so I’ll tell you. “Tony” is an abusive jerk. His behavior will get worse – possibly much worse — over time.
Your primary job in life now is to take care of yourself and your unborn child. If you have to move in with your folks until you can get soundly on your feet as a single mom, then you should do that.
I know this is very hard, but you can do it. Friends and family will help you, and you will recover your self-esteem once you are away from this toxic person.
Dear Amy: “Disappointed Spouse” was married to a man whose behavior during the pandemic was placing his wife at risk. I was surprised that you suggested that she should consider moving out. I agree with you, but I was surprised you suggested it.
Also At Risk
Dear At Risk: This pandemic has created some life-and-death dilemmas.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
