ArcaMax

Dear Hurt: My advice for you is to stop. Stop playing this game. Stop trying to engage with two people who obviously want to punish you. Stop expecting other family members to defend you (your husband’s parents will not correct their adult child, even if he is at fault).

If your brother-in-law and his partner don’t want to be a part of your child’s life, then you have to respect their choice. You might even be grateful for it, because these people sound very demanding and unsupportive. Do not expect them to behave differently, and do not gossip about them or invite others to engage on your behalf.

You and your husband should continue to bond as a family unit. The best way to continue to support your own recovery (it can take over a year) is to build up your confidence as parents, maintain a peaceful and positive home life, and keep the outside drama to an absolute minimum.

Dear Amy: My husband’s sisters are big smokers. My husband and I have never been smokers. We are often invited to their home for chats and s’mores around their outdoor fire pit.

They use their fire pit as an ashtray for butts and partially smoked cigarettes.

They believe that since we don’t smell any cigarette smoke as the fire burns, second-hand smoke isn't an issue.

I feel this is second-hand smoke and a very real health concern. Cigarette filters burned in a fire pit are toxic.

Everyone else, including my husband, thinks there is minimal cause for alarm.

Am I overreacting? Should I excuse myself from these otherwise enjoyable gatherings?

AF, Upstate NY

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