Ask Amy: Future husband sings a ‘me’ tune
Neither my wife nor I know why she has rejected him in this way.
We looked upon the girlfriend as a daughter and future daughter-in-law.
She told us not to see, call or continue the relationship, although she did say that we were like second parents to her.
Are we supposed to simply forget her, or after some time should/could we contact her?
Our son never discusses her, as he attempts to recover from the end of their relationship.
Torn and Troubled in LA
Dear Torn and Troubled: Breaking up is hard enough – but for your son and his ex, the challenge of losing an important relationship is made even harder by the fact that you parents are so dialed in, bewildered, and upset. Instead of offering reassurance, you seem to be making this very tough time at least partially about you and your loss.
For parents, it is definitely tough – and occasionally heartbreaking – to lose an important in-law relationship abruptly and without explanation, and yet, that’s how breakups often work. When an unmarried couple breaks up, they frequently also break off their ties to one another’s families.
In short, you are going to have to tolerate this loss. You do not need to forget this woman who held such an important place in your family, but you do need to move on. You could contact her around the holiday season, but because she is asking you not to be in touch, you should respect her wishes.
You dwelling on this loss does not make things easier for your son. You should respect his wishes, and – if prompted – encourage him to look ahead with some optimism.
Dear Amy: “Confused in Kansas” was a political liberal who expressed concern about flying the American flag outside her home. Thank you for urging her to take back the flag.
Also Liberal
Dear Also: If you don’t surrender the flag in the first place, you’ll never have to worry about taking it back.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
