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Ask Amy: Pregnancy can’t stay a secret forever

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My partner and I are expecting a baby. It's our first baby, and the only grandchild in his family.

I moved in with him and his family right after we discovered that we were pregnant. The problem is that during this time, his parents’ relationship deteriorated, resulting in a messy divorce after 42 years.

We've decided that it was best to hide the pregnancy from his family as long as we can, due to how childish and toxic his mother is. His father has moved out.

My partner has serious resentments toward his mother from a past fueled by alcoholism and emotional abuse.

I don't feel safe with her being alone with our baby since she drinks and drives all the time. She's so self-absorbed that she doesn't even notice that I am seven months pregnant.

We are doing our best to save money to get our own place to live, because we don't want to stay with her any longer than we have to, but the baby will be here soon. We don't want her and her toxic behavior around the baby.

 

Are we wrong for not wanting to tell her or her side of the family?

What should we do?

Ready to Burst

Dear Ready: This is the first of many tests you will face as parents, so take responsibility for your lives and your choices, and tell the truth. By living with your partner’s family, you have made your pregnancy their business. The presence of a baby in the household will have a profound impact on all of you. It is not right to spring this on everyone at the last minute.

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