ArcaMax

Dear Protective: From what you report – it seems to me that your father-in-law is showing some signs of cognitive changes or decline. I could be wrong, of course, but if this behavior is more recent, then a medical reason should be considered. Urge your wife to help get him to the doctor.

Some people with brain disorders or disease behave aggressively and rudely; dementia does not always manifest with forgetfulness. The tipoff (for me) is the fact that your father-in-law is using the exact same language toward your toddler – and even calling “Clara” by his wife’s name.

Yes, this could be the behavior of a crotchety, rude, and verbally abusive older man – but you should consider that there might be something else going on (and possibly a combination of the two).

When he behaves this way toward your daughter, you should step in: “Whoa, Bill. She’s just a baby. She’s always watching what her Grandpa does. I’d appreciate it if you would talk nicely to her, even if she is acting out. We’re trying to teach her how to be more gentle, and you can help us by being gentle with her.”

Dear Amy: I know you’ve wrestled with this before, but I’m looking for a fresh perspective on my elderly parents, who are (so far) healthy, but who do not take adequate precautions against the COVID virus.

Is there any way I can influence them to behave differently?

Upset

Dear Upset: It’s not that elderly people think they’re invincible – but they’ve been through some heavy stuff in their lives, and they may put this pandemic in a category with other experiences – as something to simply soldier on through -- when in reality it is not like other experiences.

You could try to open this up on a new tack by saying, “I’m not trying to control you, but I’m worried. Can you tell me – is there anything more I could do to influence you to take better precautions against this virus?”

You should always demonstrate appropriate precautions when you are with them, and pray they don’t get sick.

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