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Ask Amy: Friendship for three leads to awkward triangle

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

It doesn’t matter whether they are trying to be hurtful; they are being hurtful. Even if they aren’t being deliberately malicious, at the very least – they simply don’t care how you feel.

Your choices are to swallow your own honest reaction and accept your new status as the equipment provider, or to be honest regarding how this makes you feel. It is brave to admit your own vulnerability, and I think you should, understanding that you cannot change them or urge them away from their friendship with each other.

You say, “I understand that you two have developed a good friendship, but I have to be honest with you – I feel really left out, lately.”

Dear Amy: I am very concerned about your answer to “Anxious,” who was worried about encountering people in stores who were not wearing masks properly.

You wrote: “No, I don’t think you should call out another customer for wearing a mask incorrectly (because this involves them and their body).”

That is not true! The way other people wear their masks affects all of us!

Upset and Concerned

Dear Upset: Absolutely. Many readers contacted me to correct my statement. I concur: Wearing a mask protects others. Absolutely. Although a mask does seem to offer some protection to the person wearing it, I wear my mask for you, and you wear your mask for me.

My point in framing my answer the way I did was to discourage confrontations between people regarding mask-wearing. People who either don’t wear masks at all or who wear masks improperly seem to take the issue very personally, because the mask is (or isn’t) attached to their own face.

 

I’m not sure what is so frightening about wearing a thin piece of cloth across your nose and mouth in order to help protect others (and yourself) from a potentially dangerous virus, but I believe it is wisest in the moment to give these people a wide berth – yes, to avoid confrontation, and also – importantly -- to avoid transmission.

However, if you patronize a business where employees aren’t wearing masks properly, this is an issue that should definitely be brought to the manager’s attention.

Dear Amy: “Caught Couple” described themselves as doctors who treated COVID patients. They were on the fence about whether to attend a large family wedding in another state.

Thank you for responding the way you did! As doctors – they should know that they – and others – are at substantial risk. As you noted, if doctors are unsure about this, what are the rest of us supposed to do?!

Vulnerable

Dear Vulnerable: After writing that answer, I read an account of a family birthday gathering that resulted in a tragic COVID transmission to most of the group. Devastating.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)


 

 

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