Ask Amy: Mother worries about daughter’s rage
He still tries to be controlling, which causes arguments.
However, I have little social support and sometimes he is supportive and a listening ear.
I don't know how to make a final decision about his place in my life. Can you help?
Confused in New Mexico
Dear Confused: You don’t need to make a final decision about your father’s place in your life. You do need to pay close attention to your own feelings and emotions – and less to his.
Always respond to him swiftly and proportionally. If he attempts to control you, don’t argue with him. Tell him, “Nope – Dad, we’re not going to do that.” Your response to yelling and foul language should be to either say, “I won’t let you do that,” and hang up the phone, or – if you are in his presence – to immediately leave.
I do think it is a mistake – but a natural one – to seek support and a listening ear from someone who cannot be counted on. Understand that your father will never be what you want him to be. Never.
Read, “The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing The Patterns Of Intimate Relationships,” by Harriet Lerner (2014, Avon).
Dear Amy: I applaud your response to “In Love,” from the young woman whose boyfriend never wanted to get married.
I was that guy who would not even consider marriage – ever -- because of my parents’ divorce. However, at age 35, I married the gal that I have been with for 34 years.
Sometimes it takes a little bit of time and a little bit of luck!
Greg
Dear Greg: When it’s right – you just know.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
