Ask Amy: Long-married wife faces extreme surprise
Broken!
Dear Broken!: My opinion is that your husband is quite obviously going to live his life the way he wants to and the way he has been. He has announced as much to you.
You have the right – and the duty -- to do the same.
Marriages survive all sorts of circumstances, including lengthy separations, loss, sexual and emotional infidelity, illness, shocks, gender transitions and sometimes -- genuine trauma. But marriage is supposed to be the embodiment of mutuality: I elevate you, you elevate me. Not: I do what I want and you either tolerate it … or leave the marriage.
Your husband does not get to define fidelity for you. His choice to explain away his own behavior as being actually within the bounds of your marriage is gaslighting. His sexual behavior is putting both of you at risk.
Eyes open – you must make the choice that is best for you, both now and longer-term.
Dear Amy: While my daughter and son-in-law, "Brian," were waiting for their new house to be built, they lived in our basement for six months.
Brian is a hoarder. I moved some of his things, and he attacked me in a fit of rage, breaking three of my ribs and bloodying my nose.
We called the police but did not press charges.
My daughter and Brian have since moved into their new home. We paid for the mover and gave the couple a generous house gift.
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