Ask Amy: Sometimes it’s OK to play games in a relationship
Dear At a Loss: You chose to leave your husband, but never told your parents or siblings about this momentous change. You don’t celebrate holidays or special occasions with them because they invite your ex. However, your silence and absence has left a void, and now you seem to wonder why you don’t have a relationship with them.
If you had chosen to attend family events, they might have stopped inviting your ex. In order to have a relationship, and in order to include them in your life, you need to participate in theirs.
Because you seem to want some contact, I suggest that you risk a little “drama” in order to re-enter your family system. Invite them to your wedding, and take this opportunity to try to turn the page. After your wedding, invite them to your home, go to their homes when you are invited – encourage them to get to know your new husband, and see if they respond to your openness by being more open, themselves.
Obviously, if this is an overall toxic experience for you, you will have to make a different choice, but – up until now you don’t seem to have tried very hard.
Dear Amy: “Blessed Dad” has a 20-something cousin living with them during the pandemic. He is wondering why she doesn’t say “grace” with the family. He could open a conversation by asking if it makes her uncomfortable?
Ask if she 'd like to have a turn offering grace or thanks at mealtime?
Being open to a new way of doing things might mean everyone in the family could take occasional turns at offering a blessing.
Faithful Reader in Toledo!
Dear Faithful: I like this idea.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
