ArcaMax

You did not violate his privacy by checking the phone bill. Presumably, it’s your phone bill, too. While he might consider the contents of his texts private, the details contained on the bill are not.

Also, I wish “Barney” had been paying closer attention to this space over the years. Emotional affairs are different from sexual affairs. Emotional affairs grow when people share intimacies (sometimes about their partners), while excluding their partners. These relationships are every bit as insidious and destructive to a marriage as a sexual relationship.

Barney’s anger about your discovery is a “tell.” If it was no big deal, then he would show you his text thread, and revel in his innocence.

He could handle this – and recommit to your relationship – by coming clean about this friendship and being emotionally honest with you about it.

Dear Amy: This past January, my fiancee allowed her daughter's boyfriend, “Thomas” to live with her until he finds a new place.

It is now five months later, and we have heard nothing about him moving out. We have learned that he owes $3,500 to his previous landlord, owes money to a bank for loan repayment, and owes the IRS over $10,000 in back taxes.

My fiancee and I have purchased a home and are moving there in two months.

Her daughter is coming with us and I am under some pressure to allow him, too. He only has a part-time job, and seems to enjoy smoking pot in his free time.

This is unacceptable. I told him I want him having a full-time job (doing whatever) and $450 in rent per month.

Honestly, I really want him gone, but I do not want to upset my future stepdaughter.

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