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Ask Amy: Neighbor’s remodel turns ugly

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Should I gently confront him about this - or move?

Sad on the West Coast

Dear Sad: A quick apology in the moment may call a halt to the immediate episode, but this event isn’t over just because your husband says it’s over.

He should have done everything in his power to apologize appropriately to these neighbors, including in the moment, and also afterward when he’d had a chance to reflect on his behavior.

If he has sincerely done his best to acknowledge and apologize, and if his behavior over the past two years has been totally benign, then yes, the neighbors should make an effort to recover and move on.

They should not punish you for your husband’s behavior, but according to you, the neighbor responds well to texts from you. When you are out walking (presumably with your husband), you should assume that their body language is directed toward him.

 

They aren’t the only participants who need to move on. For YOU to be entirely over it would be for you to demonstrate that you behave the same way toward everyone, and that you are basically unaffected by people who don’t respond in an optimal way toward you.

Dear Amy: Due to the pandemic, I am working from home full time. My close neighbor is a grandmother whose son and granddaughter have moved in with her. They spend a lot of time in their yard, which is directly adjacent to my kitchen table (the only place in my apartment I can work).

The way they play seems mostly to involve chasing games and screaming. Hours of my day are filled with a background of a grown man and a little girl screaming. Then she'll have twice daily tantrums with more screaming. This would be difficult enough, but I have frequent conference calls when I have to speak and cannot be on mute.

People have said they cannot hear me over the screaming (this is with my doors and windows shut).

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